Dear Chocolate Chex,
Why do you have to be so delicious? It's totally unfair, especially since I bought you for Mitchell to eat and now I'm going to be forced to hide your empty box and pretend that I never brought you home from the grocery store. Our secret relationship is making my life difficult and I think it's best that we stop seeing each other and move on with our lives.
Adios my sweet,
Lyndie
Monday, June 30, 2014
Friday, June 27, 2014
Dear New Neighbor
Dear New Neighbor,
I see you own an small dog. That's delightful, I think everyone should have a furry little friend to love. The reason I am writing you is that perhaps you are unaware of the impact of and possible danger to your adorable little companion.
First off, you should know that our city is a "dogs must be on leashes" city. Although animal control rarely ventures onto our quiet, little street, there have, in years past, been citations given out to owners of unleashed dogs. I know this because I have been the recipient of one of those unpleasant citations. So, if you're planning on walking your dog off your property, use a leash. If you don't have one, I'd be delighted to give you one of mine. In fact, I can just leave one on your door step while you're at work today.
Second, I feel should warn you about the coyotes that have made their home in the area. This, I assure you, is not an urban myth. The coyotes are real and many of us have seen them. In fact, one of our dear neighbors lost her beloved little Chihuahua to a coyote early last year. She was devastated by the loss and it served as a wake-up call to the pet owners on our block.
And finally, I feel the need to inform you that our city also has a "dog waste" law. Yes, if your flea-infested fur ball happens to leave a nasty, steaming pile of shit on any property that is not YOUR OWN then you are required, by city ordinance, to pick it up and dispose of it in a sanitary manner. If caught, the fine for this is a pocket-emptying $90, however, the real impact is by leaving of that pile of steaming crap on your neighbors lawn or parkway is that if that steaming pile gets stepped in and walked into your neighbors home or vehicle you and your crap-leaving dog will have royally pissed off this neighbor. Earning the title of "lazy-ass neighbor who lets her dog shit all over everybody's lawns and then has the audacity to just leave it there" is probably not the best thing to do as a newbie to our fine, close-knit little community, especially since avoiding that lovely moniker only requires you to carry a plastic bag and bend your lazy ass over for a few seconds. In fact, early this morning I witnessed you walking your scrawny little mutt off leash and letting it take a big old dump on "K's" finely manicured front lawn and then just casually stroll away and leave it there. Not cool, Not cool at all. Yes, I see these things, in fact, from my vantage point, I see ALL THE THINGS that go on here on our block. Ya know what, I'll just leave a roll of dog-waste bags on your door step with the leash I'm giving you that way I know you're covered...and our shoes aren't.
Peace out,
The Nosy-Ass Bitch Across the Street
I see you own an small dog. That's delightful, I think everyone should have a furry little friend to love. The reason I am writing you is that perhaps you are unaware of the impact of and possible danger to your adorable little companion.
First off, you should know that our city is a "dogs must be on leashes" city. Although animal control rarely ventures onto our quiet, little street, there have, in years past, been citations given out to owners of unleashed dogs. I know this because I have been the recipient of one of those unpleasant citations. So, if you're planning on walking your dog off your property, use a leash. If you don't have one, I'd be delighted to give you one of mine. In fact, I can just leave one on your door step while you're at work today.
Second, I feel should warn you about the coyotes that have made their home in the area. This, I assure you, is not an urban myth. The coyotes are real and many of us have seen them. In fact, one of our dear neighbors lost her beloved little Chihuahua to a coyote early last year. She was devastated by the loss and it served as a wake-up call to the pet owners on our block.
And finally, I feel the need to inform you that our city also has a "dog waste" law. Yes, if your flea-infested fur ball happens to leave a nasty, steaming pile of shit on any property that is not YOUR OWN then you are required, by city ordinance, to pick it up and dispose of it in a sanitary manner. If caught, the fine for this is a pocket-emptying $90, however, the real impact is by leaving of that pile of steaming crap on your neighbors lawn or parkway is that if that steaming pile gets stepped in and walked into your neighbors home or vehicle you and your crap-leaving dog will have royally pissed off this neighbor. Earning the title of "lazy-ass neighbor who lets her dog shit all over everybody's lawns and then has the audacity to just leave it there" is probably not the best thing to do as a newbie to our fine, close-knit little community, especially since avoiding that lovely moniker only requires you to carry a plastic bag and bend your lazy ass over for a few seconds. In fact, early this morning I witnessed you walking your scrawny little mutt off leash and letting it take a big old dump on "K's" finely manicured front lawn and then just casually stroll away and leave it there. Not cool, Not cool at all. Yes, I see these things, in fact, from my vantage point, I see ALL THE THINGS that go on here on our block. Ya know what, I'll just leave a roll of dog-waste bags on your door step with the leash I'm giving you that way I know you're covered...and our shoes aren't.
Peace out,
The Nosy-Ass Bitch Across the Street
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Dearest Blog Readers
Dearest Blog Readers,
After a lengthy, self-imposed absence from the blogoshpere, I have returned with my dry wit refreshed and I am ready to amuse and entertain you once again. Please don't take my absence personally as I was just getting my act together and preparing for the next phase in my life, which is known as the "post-menopausal I don't give a rat's ass what you think of me and I'm going to say what I want, so there" phase.
I hope that you are as delighted to read my letters as I am to share them with you,
Warmest regards,
Lyndie
After a lengthy, self-imposed absence from the blogoshpere, I have returned with my dry wit refreshed and I am ready to amuse and entertain you once again. Please don't take my absence personally as I was just getting my act together and preparing for the next phase in my life, which is known as the "post-menopausal I don't give a rat's ass what you think of me and I'm going to say what I want, so there" phase.
I hope that you are as delighted to read my letters as I am to share them with you,
Warmest regards,
Lyndie
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